[Random]: The struggle of decision-making

This post is not about book but much more about life and its struggle as well as decision-making.

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Some of you know that I’m a German expat living in the beautiful capital of Finland, Helsinki. This was my dream ever since I was about 14/15 years old! Back then I was a huge fan of the Finnish band HIM and I did crush on their frontman Ville Valo quite a bit. With the love for this particular Finnish band came the love for other Finnish bands, and at some point the love for the country itself and the language. But this is not what this post is supposed to be about after all.

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Young Ville Valo (around 2000) via

At the age of 20 I got the opportunity to move to Finland – for one year and out of this one year became until now. I have been away from Finland though. About one year I spent altogether in Copenhagen, Madrid, Valencia, and on Mallorca, working as an Au-Pair in different families. This was an incredible experiences and fantastic journeys I don’t wanna miss in my life, since they taught me a load and partly shaped the person I’m today.
This time away from Finland especially made me realize that I have found a home (t)here. I never, not once have been homesick for Germany while living in any of the other countries, but very much for Finland.

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But within the last year and thinking about the future some things have changed and…shifted. I still love Finland and, no matter what, it will always remain home to me – kind of a “second” (although I would almost say that by now Germany is my second home) home. The thought of maybe not living here after this year actually breaks my poor little heart into a million little pieces. However, I need to think smart and since I’m open-minded, adventurous, and always strive for more and like to broaden my horizons, I’m thinking about a lot to where I would like to go after graduation.

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Some years ago it was unimaginable for me to live elsewhere than Helsinki (or Tampere for that matter), mainly because I was annoyed by Germany. Spending 2 weeks a year back there were more than enough. But due to always flying to my parents via Berlin and because of super bad connections from/to my parents place and back to Berlin, I was more or less “forced” to spent at least some hours in the German capital. And guess what: I actually fell in love with this city. I mean I knew Berlin before because half of my relatives lives there and my family and I used to visit them about once a year when I was a kid, but that’s something completely different.

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After noticing how awesome Berlin actually is, I spent my entire last summer there and just fell in love more and more. Now I actually do miss Berlin – a lot and so much it sometimes makes my stomach hurt. It’s just such a versatile, international and active city it’s actually impossible not to love!

And with graduation moving closer and closer, I will need to make up my mind to where I wanna head to. The Finnish economy is, unfortunately, not at its best at the moment and finding a sufficiently paid job (read: one that pays rent, food and basic living with not living in a complete ghetto) without very good Finnish skills is close to impossible. There may be jobs but not a lot… Moving to a city like Berlin may make it a bit easier since I speak native German and I’m fluent in English (obviously). So my head, from the logical point of view, says yes to Berlin and Germany but my heart protests and screams loudly “NO DON’T YOU DARE TO MOVE YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS COUNTRY”.

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This decision is the most difficult and hardest one I ever have to make. I’m at a point where I don’t know what would be best for me and my very own well-being. Moving away from Finland longterm would like tear me apart after all…

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What would you do? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Let me know in the comments below and leave your opinion on that topic.

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Have a nice Tuesday everyone!

xoxo,
Fhina

 

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Author: Fhina

Ocean soul. 28 years old book lover living in Helsinki, active reader and coffee addict.

3 thoughts on “[Random]: The struggle of decision-making”

  1. Hey girl! I LOVED your post! So let me get this straight, you live in Germany (for your whole life? Or are you just visiting?) I LOVE languages and traveling. Although like you, UGH, It sucks being away from home for too long. And it’s SUPER AWESOME that you speak more than one language. I speak Spanish and English fluently, well, Spanish I’m still working on. hehe

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    1. Hi! Thank you for you comment and kind words!

      Ah no! I’m a German living in Finland! I’m born and raised in Germany but moved to Finland when I was 20 years old – all by my own and without knowing anybody here. 🙂
      Now I’m just faced with the decision whether I want/can stay here in Finland or if it’s better to move back to Germany (or elsewhere). As I mentioned the general economical situation is not the best in Finland right now, the job market isn’t good either and when you don’t speak fluent Finnish, it’s hard to find a good job that pays for your living – and living in Helsinki is expensive…

      My Spanish is very basic. I took some courses but probably forgot half of it 😀

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